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Thank you, Tumblr people and other rambles…

I’ve kinda been pulling away from Tumblr a little bit and it’s not to say that I don’t love and adore all of you that I follow and especially mutuals but the deal is I think that I’m starting to become more confident in myself as in who I am and who I’m supposed to be. In the coming weeks I will give this Tumblr to my best friend to let her into the last part of me she doesn’t know about. The only part that I keep private from most people. It’s scary as fuck to let people see me for who I really am, but with my life passing by with every moment I pretend to be something that I’m not, I feel like I’m wasting it. I’ve put off taking care of myself because I will be left with this one thing that will always haunt my thoughts whether people know or not and if there’s nothing else to trump those thoughts, then I’m stuck thinking about transitioning and ONLY transitioning. Right now it is in my brain EVERY day as to what I want to do with that but at least it’s not EVERY thought. Maybe if I actually transition, it’ll leave my daily thoughts and only come about once in a while when I look at myself in the mirror and say to myself damn look at the man I’ve become and be so proud of myself for being brave enough to step out of myself and let others in. I always have said that if nobody else existed in this world then I would for damn sure take hormones and get my top surgery and I feel like it’s time to treat myself like I am an actual person in this world rather than a tool to everyone surrounding me. It may be 15 years from now or it may be next year that I get my hormones and top surgery but I have decided that this is what I want to do. I think 8 years is long enough to be in the closet.

Anyway, Tumblr has been instrumental in my progress as a person and I will continue to check in on you guys because you all have given me courage and I wanna thank you for that, but the instrument must now be myself. I love you all. Know it! You all are worth more than you think and deserve all the happiness in the world, just as I do.

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